If you’re a chick, you understand what I mean when I say that every day is a new reality. On Monday everything is freaking fantastic! You’re happy, life is good, you’re mentally strong and ready to conquer the world, you’re disciplined with your diet, you’re happy in your relationship. But when you open your eyes to Tuesday morning, some alternate universe has emerged. You’re fat, you cry at the drop of a hat, you want to quit your job, break up with your boyfriend, move to California, and you have this insatiable craving for ice cream and cookies. You’re foul and mad, grumpy and sad, and anyone who crosses your path is likely to experience your wrath. I blame it on the daily fluctuations in our hormones because I’m not sure what else to blame it on – well, except maybe the weather because bad weather causes bad hair days and as you well know, that just ruins everything.
So I’m not sure how to stop this rollercoaster as it just doesn’t feel that it’s in our control. I can’t control traffic on Hwy 280, slow drivers, slow walkers, and slow talkers. I can’t control pointless and ridiculous text messages from guys who think that’s how you date or communicate with a girl. I can’t control the volcano-sized pimples that want my face to become their new home. I can’t always control work or family stress. I can’t control when the computer decides to lock up. I can’t control the daily attacks from the devil; which often appear in the most unexpected places from the most unexpected people. So what’s a girl to do? How do we have more skinny days than fat days? How do we slow this rollercoaster down?
Oh I’d be rich if I could answer those questions! And if you were expecting that I’d have a solution then I’m sorry – you’re out of luck today. I don’t have a clue how to slow down this rollercoaster; although wine is helpful. I think we just have to accept that it is what it is – life. I think we ladies just experience life a bit more vividly and in full living color than our hunkier counterparts. WE are they’re rollercoaster ride. You’re welcome guys.
So the best advice I can give you is this: just wait until tomorrow…or maybe next week. Don’t quit your job or leave your man – for today at least. Go hit a punching bag, eat a few cookies, have a glass of wine or two, try not to talk to anyone, and pray that when you wake up tomorrow, your clothes will fit again, the pimples, wrinkles, and dark circles will be gone, the lower humidity will calm your big, frizzy 80s ‘do back down, and there will be justice and liberty for all. Amen.
Until next time, just keep smiling, praying, and waiting. A prayer or two a day keeps the insanity away.