Sun, Oct 13, 2013
A friend and I were joking the other day that it would be so nice if we could say things to guys we’re dating like…
“We don’t have to talk every day – really, it’s cool.”
“Can we just see each other every other weekend?”
“I really like you but you talk about yourself constantly.”
“Can’t you ask about my day/life sometimes?”
“Why don’t you follow through when you say you’re going to do something?”
“Oh and if you’re in the market for a cook/Suzy-homemaker, you got the wrong girl.”
Or even just “Hey, I like you. You make me happy.”
Oh how strong the desire to verbalize these thoughts can be. And it seems like all would be right with the world if we would just be honest with each other about what we think and feel. But instead we shut down, run away, don’t talk about it, or move on hoping that we’ll find someone who can read our minds – someone who keeps us from having to say or discuss the hard things. We are about as averse to giving feedback as we are to receiving it.
I’ve been dating for 20 years and I’m pretty sure that if there was someone out there who could read my mind, I would have found and married him by now – but there is no such thing. So if you’re holding out or searching for that, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
We have to learn to communicate with one another.
I’m probably the world’s worst when it comes to not saying what I feel, but on occasion a little wine, anger, hormones, etc. has caused me to do so. But it shouldn’t take that. It’s time to toughen up and realize that honesty is always the best policy. The key lies in how we communicate that honesty; which is a whole ‘nother post.
Communicating doesn’t guarantee success or that there will be any change, but it’s far more likely to have that result than never communicating it at all. Right? Communicating with kindness and understanding is even more likely to have a happy ending. Try it sometime.
Say what you need to say.
(thank you for the inspiration John Mayer song)